Introduction
This ultimate guide will help you acquire the information you need to understand what self-confidence is and why it is important.
Along the way, you'll also learn how to adjust your actions to appear more confident and less insecure.
Lastly, you'll learn some additional tactics to boost your self-confidence and get some inspiring quotes to keep you motivated in your confidence building efforts.
Definition of Self-confidence
Confidence is a noun that "comes from a latin word fidere' which means 'to trust'".
Oxford defines self confidence as a "feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement".
In other words, self-confidence is about believing in yourself and your ability to handle the things that come your way.
Why is Confidence Important?
But why do we consider it so important? People in leadership roles may need a lot of self-confidence, but most people aren't in those positions, so what's the big deal?
It turns out that confidence may be a lot more important than you think.
In fact, according to psychologist Dr Barbara Markway, confidence "is linked to almost every element involved in a happy and fulfilling life."
Confident Action
Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words.
You may be able to talk a good game, but ultimately, in the long run, the people you interact with are going to form their impression of you based on your actions.
To project confidence, you need to adopt confident behaviors and avoid insecure behaviors.
Adopt These Confident Behaviors
Reserving judgement
Don't waste your time judging others. Confident people aren't concerned with how they compare to others and understand that all people have strengths and weaknesses and can make a contribution.
Owning your happiness
Be responsible for your own happiness. Confident people don't depend on the actions of others to bring them joy. They rely on the enjoyment and satisfaction they derive from their own achievements for their happiness.
Asking for help when needed
Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Confident people are secure in their capabilities and know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. They understand that they don't have to know everything and that seeking help from an expert can improve outcomes and provide an opportunity to learn from a pro.
Only saying yes when you want to
Don't be afraid to say no. Confident people have a clear understanding of their capabilities and commitments and are unequivocal when they turn down a request. They realize that taking on too much will only lower the quality of everything they do.
Praising others
Because they are secure in their own self-worth, confident people don't need to minimize others to build themselves up. Confident people enjoy highlighting the contributions of others and are generous with their praise.
Being an active listener
Practice active listening, an approach to interpersonal communication which "requires that the listener fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being said." Confident people listen this way naturally because they are secure in who they are and what they know. They realize instinctively that listening to others broadens their world and strengthens relationships.
Check out the video below to learn ways to improve your listening skills:
Using unequivocal language
Wishy washy language conveys insecurity. Confident people speak with certainty and avoid ambiguity. They don't qualify their statements with phrases like "um, I'm not sure" or "I think, but I could be wrong."
Not fearing mistakes
Confident people realize that things that don't go as expected and mistakes aren't the end of the world.
They realize that mistakes are often the best teachers and provide important learning opportunities.
Not seeking attention
Confident people need the attention of others to validate them. Comfortable in their own skin and sure of themselves, truly confident people prefer to just be themselves and accept the attention that they receive as it comes their way.
Setting and achieving micro goals
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
Confident people understand that breaking down the big hairy audacious goal into a series of not-so-hairy, not-so-audacious micro goals that are easily achievable will lead to success.
This approach works because it uses the small jolt of dopamine you get from crossing that item off your to do list to compel you to cross off more items. An addiction to achievement that builds confidence.
Acting on opportunities
Confident people aren't afraid to act on opportunities that present themselves. They understand that no risk equals no reward.
If the things that could go right outweigh the things that could go wrong, confident people don't hesitate to take action.
Avoid These Insecure Behaviors
Conflict can be uncomfortable and most people prefer to avoid it whenever possible. But avoiding conflict can sideline you and your ideas and make you look insecure.
Confident people don't seek conflict, however, they do believe in their ideas and aren't afraid to debate their merits in the face of resistance.
Being deflated by feedback
Confident people understand that, while it may be painful to receive at times, feedback is a useful and necessary part of improvement.
They realize that if you don't receive feedback, you can't make the adjustments needed to improve and achieve.
Excuse making
Making excuses doesn't work. They just make you look incompetent. Confident people take responsibility for their actions and plan for contingencies to avoid needing to make excuses. When they do make a mistake, they acknowledge it, adjust, and move on.
Feeling competitive with others
Being overly competitive should be avoided. Being desperate to win at any cost reeks of insecurity.
Confident people see competition as useful motivation and may even enjoy it, but don't rely on it for validation. They don't judge themselves against others, but rather focus on striving to achieve personal and professional goals.
Defensiveness
Defensiveness screams insecurity. Confident people are able to discuss the merits of their actions and ideas in relation to competing alternatives without becoming rude or dismissive.
Not taking a stand
As the old proverb says, "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything".
Confident people are willing to take a stand when they deem it necessary. They are attuned to their values and don't abandon them when faced with adversity.
Negative self-talk
Confident people understand that our thoughts and self-talk impact our actions and their outcomes and avoid negative self-talk.
They understand that positive negative self-talk must be banished from their minds and work to create positive self-talk to replace negativity and give them motivation.
How to Use Body Language to Make a Confident First Impression
As we all know, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression", but making a good impression may be even more important than you think.
Psychologists now believe that making a positive first impression, can invoke the halo effect, a "tendency for positive impressions of a person, company, brand or product in one area to positively influence one's opinion or feelings in other areas."
This basically means if you bring your A game and make a good first impression, the people you meet will assume going forward, at least until you prove otherwise, that you are smarter, more competent, funnier, better at water-polo etc. without any supporting evidence other than the fact that you made a good first impression.
Confident people understand words are only part of the communication equation and use their body language to project confidence and make a great first impression.
Not feeling confident about your body language? Don't worry, body-language is a skill and like any skill it can be improved with proper practice.
In her book, "SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma", body language expert Patti Wood provides the following tips for making a powerful and confident first impression to get you started:
- Maintain eye contact. To avoid an awkward staring contest, look from one eye to the other to the bridge of the nose and then back to each eye.
- Select a prominent seat near the center of the conference table or in the front row of a large meeting to show confidence, interest, and willingness to engage.
- Square your shoulders and then relax them to communicate strength and stability.
- When standing, move your feet an inch or two wider, to create a stronger, more confident stance.
- Avoid fidgeting acts like rubbing your earring or mustache, twisting your hands, etc.
- Don't create a wall of stuff - coffee cup, phone, portfolio - between you and the people you meet with. If you are presenting stand to the side or in front of the podium to remove barriers between you and your audience.
Check out Patti's appearance on "The Talk" in the video below:
20 More Excellent Ways to Pump Up Your Self-confidence
Confidence is a dynamic emotion. Just as achievements and positive experiences can help to build confidence, setbacks and defeats can tear it down.
Here are twenty more actions that confident people use to boost their self-confidence when the chips are down and things aren't going their way.
Revisit past successes
By revisiting past victories you remind yourself of your capabilities and your capacity for achievement.
Clean out your closet
Go through your clothing and remove items that don't fit, out-of-fashion, stained, or are in poor repair. Recycle the stained and torn and donate the rest. Note any key items that are missing.
This one is a twofer. Completing the task will give you a jolt of confidence building dopamine and helping others with your donation will give it a second shot.!
Update your wardrobe
Fashionable, quality clothing that fits well can bolster wavering confidence.
Now that your closet has been decluttered and you have your notes on the holes in your wardrobe, it's time for an update.
Improve your self-image
If we want others to see us as confident, capable, and self-assured, we need to see ourselves that way. When you feel your confidence wane, focus on visualizing your best self to realign your self-image with the confident image you want to project to others. Erase the negative and accentuate the positive.
Learn more about yourself
The very definition of self-confidence is a "feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement".
In order to trust your abilities, qualities, and judgement, you need to know your abilities, qualities, and preferences. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to trust yourself and become more confident.
Be positive
Choosing a positive outlook can have a profound impact on self-confidence. When you choose to focus on the positive, it is easier to imagine the good things in the future that will flow from your actions. This in turn makes it easier to confidently take action.
Be compassionate and giving
Giving generously out of genuine concern for those in need is a great way to build self-confidence.
Acting in charitable way connects you to others, creates a sense of community, and casts you in a positive light that dispels negativity and builds confidence.
Rehearse and prepare
Rehearsing key communications and preparing for important activities improves the quality of subsequent action and instills confidence. Once you've completed your preparation, trust the work you've completed and allow yourself to relax.
Know and live your principles
Listen to the little voice that pipes up when you have to make a difficult choice.
Knowing your principles and allowing them to direct your actions will allow you to feel confident and act with certainty.
Slow down your rate of speech
People who speak quickly, racing to get the words out create a perception of insecurity. They appear to be afraid that others will not allow them to finish because what they have to say isn't important.
Confident people speak slowly and carefully because they trust in the value of their message and want to ensure they are completely understood.
Improve your posture
Studies have shown that posture can affect how confident you feel about your abilities.
Researchers found that people told to sit up straight were more likely to believe thoughts they wrote down while in that posture concerning whether they were qualified for a job.
So next time you feel your confidence dip, sit up straight for a confidence boost.
Get better at something
Competency and confidence go hand in hand.
Sharpening your skills is a great way to boost your confidence and with a plethora of free and low-cost online education options to choose from, it has never been easier.
Be solution focused
When you solve a problem you create a success that boosts confidence. Start small and work your way up. In addition to building your confidence, you'll also make your life better by addressing problems that have been bugging you.
Smile
Scientific studies have proven that smiling can make you happy, lower stress, and boost your immune system. How is that for a confidence boost!
Not feeling it? Doesn't matter. You get all the benefits even when you are faking it!
Clean your desk
Just completing the job will give you a nice shot of confidence building dopamine, but this is another twofer as studies show that having a disorganized environment can lower your confidence.
Take action
Noted confidence expert Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, notes in a recent article that her clients often share a mistaken belief that they need to have confidence to take action and achieve. She goes on to note that, ironically, taking action is what builds confidence and the real trick is taking the first step when you don't feel confident. So take a deep breath and go for it.
Express your gratitude
Everyone has something to be grateful for and expressing gratitude on a regular basis has been tied to many benefits including confidence building.
So when your confidence needs a boost, take a moment to reflect on the people and things in your life for which you are grateful. To get the most benefit, make it a habit.
Learn something useful
Competence and confidence are entwined. Part of feeling confident is knowing you are competent. That is why we are less confident when we do new things.
By learning something useful, you increase your competence and create a new capability in which to be confident.
Exercise
In the short term, getting in a workout will give you a nice jolt of endorphins that reduce pain and increase your sense of well being. In the longer term, studies show benefits also include improved self-concept.
Cross something off your list
Make a list of some easy household tasks - load the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc. - now complete the tasks and cross them off the list.
Each item will give you a nice bump of confidence boosting dopamine along with a gratifying feeling of accomplishment.
30 Inspiring Self-confidence Quotes
Here are some inspiring quotes about confidence to help you realize your goals.
“Confidence isn’t optimism or pessimism, and it’s not a character attribute. It’s the expectation of a positive outcome.” – Rosabeth Moss Kanter
“Confidence. If you have it, you can make anything look good. ”– Diane Von Furstenberg
“I have a confidence about my life that comes from standing tall on my own two feet.”– Jane Fonda
“You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” – Rosalynn Carter
“Sometimes, if you fake confidence long enough, you’re going to be confident.”– Elle King
“Through my education, I didn’t just develop skills, I didn’t just develop the ability to learn, but I developed confidence.”– Michelle Obama
“You just have to be yourself and go full with confidence and be courageous.”– Gabby Douglas
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”– Marie Curie
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” – Anna Freud
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. “– Golda Meir
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures. “– Oprah Winfrey
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
“There’s a confidence and sense of self that comes with age that I didn’t anticipate.”– Jillian Michaels
“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.” – Venus Williams
"The consciousness of knowing how to make oneself useful, how to help mankind in many ways, fills the soul with noble confidence, almost religious dignity." - Maria Montessori
"When I was younger, I barely talked. I was scared of people. I had to learn how to cultivate that confidence." - Tiffany Haddish
"I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities." - Tina Fey
"Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist." - Mary Kay Ash
"The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." - Sylvia Plath
"My self-confidence can be measured out in teaspoons mixed into my poetry, and it still always tastes funny in my mouth." - Sarah Kay
“Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” - Lucille Ball
"Ego is thinking you have all the answers. Self-confidence is knowing you don’t have the answers, but being pretty sure that you will be able to find them." ― Maggie Stiefvater
"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage." - Anaïs Nin
"Courage is the birthplace of confidence." - Debbie Millman
"Confidence is silent and insecurity is loud." - Unknown
"Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow." - Carrie Fisher
"It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it." - Lillian Hellman
"Confidence comes naturally with success but success comes only to those who are confident." - Unknown
In Conclusion
You now understand what self-confidence is and why it is important and have some clear, actionable strategies and tactics for increasing your self confidence.
Good luck! For more inspiration check out the My Focus Jewelry selection!